The German Health System...

As if I haven't spent enough of my life in a hospital...
Well, those of you who have me on Facebook, will know that the other day, whilst attempting to cook.. I decided to totally ruin the top of my thumb with a knife.

A ceramic Knife!

Well, normally,  I try to laugh off injuries...  but - it was bleeding pretty badly.. for 30 minutes
The Irony behind it all is, that I bought a New knife, because I know - being a Scout for however many years - that blunt Knives can be dangerous.   I bought a ceramic one - which are ridiculously sharp, but also look like plastic to be deceptive (see right)
Anyway.
The offending Item that I was cutting was an Onion, ready to go into a Pasta - My dad will know exactly was I was up to!    My old knife was a tad blunt. When I say blunt.. I mean that butter was a struggle for it.  so I bought this new one.  I really wasn't used to how sharp it was - ans, having made sure my fingers were safe - I applied the same amount of pressure as I am used to (with a blunt knife)
The key word in the previous sentence was fingers.

I went straight through the onion (impressively well actually) and then straight into my thumb (again, Impressively well actually!)

Bleeding started.
Bleeding escalated

I have had first aid training (it is , at the moment out of date) so the first thing I did was whack it under the running tap .. well, this made it look like John Cramer has been in my flat (for those of you who don't know the name - he is the guy from SAW) and it wasn't helping the bleeding much., though it was sorting the pain out a treat.
So - I used my first aid know-how and went straight to the Pressure thing.  What did I use?  well..  A SOCK!   This was no ordinary sock.. It has just been in a wash with towels by mistake - so it had been boiled!  so it was Clean (ish) or cleaner than anything else anyway - and likely to hold together for longer than Bog-roll..

This is when I decided to go to Hospital...   I don't know the number for the ambulance here - and learning it is tempting fate - but I wasn't going to ring them for a bleeding finger - so, sock now tight and in hand, I was off on the 30 minute walk to the local A&E department..

Nice walk - the slight "going into shock" thing wasn't too nice, but I got to the hospital.  A&E was empty...

Now - Imagine ..
You have just had the minor panic of cutting your thumb that hasn't stopped nor slowed down the bleeding for what has now been an hour and you were in a hospital in a foreign country .. and you had to explain the problem.
Well.. the Nurse came, she smiles and said "Bitter Schön" (which is the |German way of saying "can I help")
Well, my sock had now born the brunt of about 45 minutes worth of pretty serious bleeding, and was now just dripping onto the floor..
I told her, in my bestest panicky German...   "Ich habe meiner Daume Geschnitten"  or 'I've cut my thumb'

She realized at that minute that German was not on the cards and said "Well, I am your guardian Angel - I can sort your thumb, and my american husband means I can speak English!"     Get in!

She then proceeded to do all of the paperwork..  she explained that, though she would love to do thumb first - its not possible to administer treatment until there was the paper work done !  (well, yes.. Im in Germany!)

Luckily, I had my wallet in my coat from a previous trip to the bank that day - oh - and to buy the bloody knife! so I have my EHIC and Insurance card with me :D

So - with not a single other patient - I was introduced to a nurse who only spoke German..who began to treat my thumb - by now, I was a bit more chilled and had caught my breath - so German was working now..  but - as the English speaking nurse was bored - she came in to help too...

It was all really good - apart from the German one asking if I had brought the knife with me...    because I clearly carry blood - covered kitchen knives around with me at night!

I was Glued (which failed) and stitched... bandaged and sent on my way - and told to go and register at a doctor to have it checked in the morning.

After he Hospital...

I just had to go home now...   and clean up all the blood from the floor
Today, I registered for a Doctor...  What a farce!

I went into town at 12, thinking that all the morning rush of people waking up Ill would be over - and people will not have fallen over in their lunch break yet.
Well, on a Thursday in Germany, you can apparently only be ill on on a Thursday during   9am-12PM and 5PM-7PM

well, I misse the 12 part, so loitered until 5 in coffee shops  (caffeine overload!)

I got in a 5:05PM, where the cue was out the door!! but I got to the desk at about 5:15, so not too bad - I registered (which the nice receptionist did mostly for me from my ID)In Germany, you choose your doctor.. She asked me to choose by saying 2 names..  and nothing else..  I was first like "it doesn't really matter, i don't plan to visit again! She told me i had to choose, so I went with the guy whose name was easier to pronounce!  Herr. Doktor Wagner. (now imagining some shite x-factor dropout!)  How she expected me to choose with just a name I ave no idea - don't get me wrong, I did't expect a powerpoint of their credentials or anything..  but its like.. whats the point??!   Then.. it was time... went and sat in ...

THE WAITING ROOM...
Oh my god..  This is the weirdest room I have ever been in...

Not the actual room.. but nor far off!

In German doctors surgeries , when people walk into the waiting room, they almost announce themselves with a "Guten tag" and we are expected to say the same back!  WHAT THE HELL!!   In the UK, talking in a doctors waiting room is Strictly forbidden!! but walking in an greeting everyone!!  This would explain the weird look I got when I walked in..  I did not greet the Ill people..

Also, the waiting room was just like a Mr. Bean Sketch:
-  man with a beans tin stuck on his hand
- a woman who was clearly there more often that the furniture
- the guy who makes a point of turning the page on his magazine
- the people that know each other, who have met by accident and describe their symptoms in Extreme detail and very loudly ( all im saying, I definitely spoke the least amount of German in that room.. and I understood that I didn't need to know about that part of this lady..so..  yeah...)
- That person's whose cough get worse the longer they wait..

Honestly..this was the clientele of the waiting room tonight - It was just odd.. with every walk of life crammed into what was clearly an old doctors office with some chairs in it..

Anyway..  I waited for about 35 minutes..  (I didn't have an appointment, so they just cram me in whenever)
I was then called into a room, were the same receptionist who has registered me, took my bandages off - I have no issue with this - I couldn't do it alone, and you don't exactly need  a degree to take a plaster off...

This revealed my thumb.  she asked me what the Hospital had done - which I explained (in German) .
She then just fucked off, almost yelling that she was off to find the doctor..  Great!

After the Bandage came off - stitching covered with strips

Whilst I was alone in this room..  I noticed the following...

- the sharps box was an old bulk size washing-up liquid fluid tub, with the top cut off
- the computer was logged on - and written in German and English .. if i'd have had sinister intentions..
- there were hoards of drugs (prescription) on the shelf above my head
- there were those stereotypical brown bottles, making it look like the hospital from the film Pearl Harbor!

the doctor shone a light on it - told me to go back Monday, took EUR10 off me , and left - after 2 minutes of looking at my hand, and 20 talking about why I was in Germany..   such a nice guy!

I was about to leave. when the receptionist came back.. and re-bandaged my thumb.. she gme me 2 spare bandages and then , as soon as she had finished said "bye!"

umm.. ok then..
The doctor then caught me on the way out, and said that the stitches are out on Monday..

(upside down) but what it looks like now - with a camp bandage bracelet!

so.. I loo forward to it...

going by the last few day.. I wouldn't be surprised if Mr Blobby took them out..


I have had to be so careful writing this.. Im kinda scared that Ill have written 'bondage' instead of 'bandage'